Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Not Quite Myself.

The last week and a half I have been a serious mess. I have felt so emotional and weird. I have felt anixous, sad, depressed, and overwhelmed. I have had several days where I burst into tears for no reason and then I can't get it under control and I spentd most of the day crying. I hate feeling this way. I keep trying to explain to Jared what it is I am experiencing, but I am so confused by it that I can't even put it into words. He has been so good and understanding. I had him give me a blessing and I felt very calm and at peace when he gave it to me, but then the next morning it was right back to the way I was feeling before. I finally talked to my sister about it, and she asked me if I was taking any new medications or if anything had changed. The only thing I could think of was that I am on the medication to help my milk for nursing, but I have been on that for almost 8 weeks now. So I really was beginning to think that I am just experiencing some baby blues. Then I went inside and looked at the medicine bottle and it read:
Call your doctor immediately if you experience any new or worsening feelings of sadness, anxiousness, depression, restlessness, or confusion.
Wow...that about sums it up. So I called my doctor and he told me to go off the medication and hopefully that will change how I am feeling. If I don't notice a change than it is possible that I am experiencing some post baby blues. I am hopeful that getting off this medication will get me back to feeling normal. I have been miserable feeling this way. It's horrible to feel so overwhelmed by emotions that you feel helpless...I told Jared it's made me feel like I wouldn't have had another baby if I knew I was going to feel this way or like I don't want to have anymore if there is a chance I could feel this way...and then I feel so guilty for saying that because I love my sweet little boy and I know I am so blessed to be able to have my own children. And I know that I want more kids! It's just hard because I almost feel like I can't function feeling this way. I hope this goes away.

7 comments:

angie said...

I hope you get better Myca! I love you.

Tiffany Fackrell said...

oh Yucky, I hope it goes away too and SOON!

Christy Beal said...

Oh man. I wish I knew that was going on~ I felt like that after Brigitte for 4 months. Finally the black fog lifted and I was like - oh - I think ive been weird! Its hopefully just your medication and will resolve now that youve stopped taking it. Please let me know how I can help!! Id love to steal your boys so you can cry in peace :) Or if you want to go to a park or even sit outside ...the sun really helped me a lot! Ill even pay for you to go lay in a tanning bed if you want. I swear its a miracle what feeling warm and quiet can do!
Hang in there!!! And Im here for you anytime you need it. Baby blues are the WORST!!!

ashleyboice said...

After Henry was born, i just wasn't myself. I still am not fully there. I feel just like I am in a funk, and I don't know why. I can't get anything done, and I feel overwhelmed easily. And...I can't explain to anyone why I am sad or why I feel weird. Sometimes I think it isn't fair that we have to deal with all of the hormones it takes to make a baby. I think, it helps big time to start getting sleep. That is when everything changes for me. Having a new baby is so HARD!!

Brandon & Amber said...

Myca I am sorry to hear how you are feeling, I went through that too after I had Brooklyn and you really can't explain it other than cry. If you need to talk or just call and cry I am here for ya! Hope you start to feel better! :)

Winder Family said...

I can totally sympathize. I struggled with post-partum depression for a few months and it was the most awful thing in the world. I have been taking medicine to help, but I think trying to be positive has helped me the most. I get what you mean when you say you feel guilty for feeling certain feelings. It's so hard going through these things and trying to take care of children at the same time! :)

Ashley said...

Myca,
I have heard a lot of people have a harder time after the 3rd child. I thought I was going to be an exception. However it wasn't until Benjamin was a couple months old that it finally started hitting me that I have three kids and my life will be hectic from here on out. I hope it is just your medication, but if it isn't just know that you aren't the only one that experiences those symptoms on and off after having children. Somedays I say I am done having kids just because it's one of those days and others I just hold them close and am so thankful that I have my kids. Even though the last two weren't planned I still love them and can't ever imagine my life without them!!