We Are Alive.

Just wanted to let everyone know that we are still alive. We were gone last week for our family reunion and we had such a good time. We got back just in time for me to start my work week and here we are now....I would love to post all my pictures and tell you all about it, but our computer is shot! It will let us onto the internet but that is about it. It won't recognize anything in the USB ports so I can't even try and get my pictures....totally sucky. So I guess we might be looking for a new computer...

I had a really good week and felt the most like myself that I have felt in weeks. It was so nice to have so much family and distractions around. I had an appetite again and didn't feel so anxious that I was physically ill. I felt for the most part like me again. I was hopeful that I would get home and continue to feel good, happy, and normal, and well....I feel a little better than I did a few weeks ago (mainly because I am finding ways to manage it), but I am still having a bit of a rough time. Anxiety, loneliness, sadness, depression...all these feelings I have no reason to feel. It's like I have absolutely no control over it. I guess this is just going to take more time. I talked my doctor about some options as far as medication, but I am still holding out. I think part of it now is in my head...like I am psyching myself out or setting myself up to feel this way. It's like if I don't have the day planned and things to do then I become so anxious about being home with the boys. Like I have to leave to be distracted from the way I am feeling. When have I ever not been able to just stay home and hang out? I hate feeling like I have to leave or have a plan to get through the day. It's so frustrating. Anyway I know that I can overcome this. I know that I am stronger than this. I just need to be patient.

Hopefully I will be able to post about our trip soon...