Saturday, June 13, 2015

Moving On.

After getting some sleep and trying to process what happened I began to feel a little peace. I was so impressed with how Jared had taken and handled the situation. The night he traveled home he had several hours to think about what had happened and what lead up to this point. Then on the last flight home he told me that he sat next to a man who was his age who used to be a cop as well. He said that instantly he felt like an old friend and they had so much in common. They laughed and talked about their lives. This man left the police department after 6 years and told him that it just wasn't fun anymore and it wasn't good for his family. Jared then basically explained the last 5 years of job trials to him and told him why he had been in Maryland testing. The man asked about his current job and Jared told him all about what he does and his awesome benefits and he turned to Jared and looked at him and said, "why would you ever want to leave that and go back to law enforcement?" Jared said it was exactly what he needed to hear at that moment and that he knew he was supposed to meet him and sit next to him on that flight.
Jared continued to try and help me feel peace that what happened was for a reason. He said he really felt like everything was going to be ok. He said that he felt like the lord had let him get this far so many times to show him that he is fully capable and totally qualified, but to tell him I just don't want you doing this. And it was clear this time. I still feel really worried and stressed about going back to work graveyards after these babies come. I don't know how I could handle it all, but Jared says that I don't have to go back. He has faith that it will all come together and we will be provided for. I am scared.
Over the last couple days we have received so many text and messages from our close family and friends who were just as shocked as we were that Jared didn't get it. Our close friend Darrin and Natalia have been a huge support and help in this process. Darrin is a postal inspector and really wanted Jared to get through and thought that he had it in the bag. When they found out that it didn't happen Natalia cried with me. What good friends they are. Here are some messages exchanged between Jared and Darrin.
Jared:So now that I have had some time to sit and contemplate I was to thank both of you for the support that you showed myself and Myca. There is no doubt in my mind that I did perform better that the other five candidates. As I listened to them share things about what they did and where they came from I knew that I had a leg up on each one of them. I felt Heavenly Father's love and the Holy Spirit with me the whole time. I felt calm and I felt that it was going to work out. As soon as I did not get the polygraph I knew that Heavenly Father did not want me in law enforcement. I have been chasing this dream for more than 5 years and each time I make it through the lengthy process the door is shut in my face for no reason. I used to be angry about it and I used to not understand why it was happening. I would resent everyone. I would take it out on my family and the people around me because I felt like I could provide for my family in the job that I wanted so badly to do. This time I have great understanding and I feel comforted by my Heavenly Father that whatever I am supposed to do in this world it is not going to be law enforcement. You both are so awesome and loving in the way you reach out to everyone. I really appreciate your prayers and the council and advice that was given on both your parts. It didn't work out and I am ok with that. I love you both. Thank you for all your support.
Darrin: We will get together soon and talk it through. Obviously there was in some way an agenda that didn't include a certain demographic at this time. Go with your heart. The Lord opens doors when others close. I believe that. While my career has been mostly positive, I struggle with some of the administrative decisions that management makes. That said...I believe you will see the reasons for why things happened with regard to law enforcement. Perhaps this is the Lords way of saying, "I have bigger plans for you." One of which is being a great father of soon to be 6 children who need you to be safe, around, and located in a place that is conducive to your family value/goals. Maybe a major metropolitan area (which would likely be a new guys fate) is not the best fit for now. Know though, that we have all the love and respect for you and Myca for all that you are. You both work hard and are squared away. Big things are in store for you collectively and individually. Hang in there. Big hugs.
Reading both these messages brought me some peace. We also received some other council and comfort from both my parents and Jared's. Although I feel like I am so worried how everything is going to come together to allow me to be home with these babies I feel like this is a test of my faith. The Lord is waiting and wanting me to have faith in his plan. I hope that I can do that. I hope that everything will work out. 

No comments: